Cambodia Day Three - Names

I wish I could say that I have learned all names of the helpers at the church and all the kids, but I haven't. Besides the language barrier, I struggle with remembering people's names unless I say it, see it, and write it for myself. I really want to learn people's names especially this week, but I am learning that saying the name correctly is not based on letters it is based on the sound you make with those letters. The language itself is beautiful and I would love to keep learning it, but all that comes out is some of the Thai I remember when I lived there years ago.

Even though I might not remember everyone's name God knows their name. Today we had to change up our schedule because we ended up jumping from having 60 kids to 130(or more) today! We did a lot of singing and dancing. One song that I picked was just an older Hillsong Kids song that I had learned years ago. I choose it because it had less words and LOTS of moving motions. BUT God actually choose that song. This is what we sung Not Forgotten by Israel Houghton

I am not forgotten
I am not forgotten
I am not forgotten
God knows my name
He knows my name

Light over darkness
Strength over weakness
Joy over sadness
He knows my name

Father to the fatherless
Friend to the friendless
Hope for the hopeless
He knows my name

I will praise You, I will praise You
For I am fearfully and wonderfully made
I am not forgotten, never forsaken

During the song the Holy Spirit said, "I haven't forgotten these children." After we were done with the song I explained to them that God knows their name and that when they are alone to remember that they are not forgotten. It still brings me to tears to my eyes writing about it. I keep thinking how much pain this country has been through, but God wants to remind them that no matter what happens He hasn't forgotten them and He is here to restore them. 

The song is also a good reminder for me that God hasn't forgotten me or any of us even when it feels like he has. 

Cambodia Day Two - Smiles

One of the main characteristics I remembered about Southeast Asia were the smiles. Nothing says more than a beautiful smile. As I looked around this small village all I saw was eager eyes and precious smiles. They are so eager to learn English, to learn anything from us. We talk about being a good neighbor and what that looked like. At least they understood the good Samaritan skit. Who knows what got lost in translation, but maybe something stuck in their precious brains. And kids are kids anywhere in the world they ALL like to have a Freeze Dance Party!!! (Or maybe what white person could swing or throw them the highest)

Cambodia Day One - Hope

With every step I feared I would actually step on a fragment of bone or piece of clothing from the thousands of victims that were killed under my feet. It was hard not to look at the ground while I listened to the survivor stories of the Khmer Rouge Genocide that happened from 1975 to 1979. Our group was visiting the Killing Fields memorial, but this was only one of 300 killing fields that the Khmer Regime had. What a somber place, from the sounds of roosters crowing and a few tour guides talking it was mostly silent. Most visitors listened to the stories over a headset and a little audio player as we followed the map and choose different stories to listen to.  They were all heart breaking, but some ripped my heart into pieces. Seeing the bones and skulls pilled high in the memorial seemed all so surreal, but sadly so true.

One story that stood out to me the most was a man that talked about having hope that he would get out alive was the only thing that helped him survive torture and malnourishment. It reminded me of my hope in Jesus Christ and how that is what sustains me. I cannot put my hope in friends or family because they will probably let me down. I cannot put hope in the government and even leaders of churches because they are human and will make mistakes. I cannot put hope in money, houses, jobs or any material things because they can disappear. My hope needs to be and will always need to remain in Jesus. He is my Hope. He is my future. He is my joy and He is my Peace. Since He is all those things to me I need to make sure I share that Hope to the world. It could mean having coffee with a friend that is discouraged or depressed about the weight of life around them. It could be building relationship with a neighbor, but for me and the other six of us on this missions trip, it is about serving a church in a small village in Cambodia. We might not see the fruit of our labor till we reach heaven, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. My prayer this week is that I will be present when God opens the door for me to share my hope. I don’t have to pound scripture that they don’t understand into their heads. All I need is to love them and serve them where their needs need to be met. Then just maybe it will actually be my life that will be changed forever because I was obedient to God’s call.

"I'm Fine"

I keep replaying it over and over again. I can’t get it out of my head. Seeing my husband leaning over the kitchen corner shaking with mucus and foam coming out of his nose and mouth was a scary sight. As I was trying to assess the situation and figuring out what to do next all he kept repeating to me was “I’m fine.”

That phrase sticks with me still. How many times have I told people “I’m fine” when in reality I was far from it. We are such independent people. We want to do the work on our own. We have become this self sufficient human beings that doesn’t need the rest of the world to help out our situations. Where does it say in all of history that we are suppose to do this life by ourselves. 

Wars are always fought as an army.

Countries are always built as a group of people.

Governments are built with multiple leaders.

Churches are created with the start of 2 or 3 people.

Schools are formed with a teacher and a student.

Nothing can be built to stand the journey of time unless it is done with a team. Especially a team that is honest with each other. 

It didn’t take long after my husband repeated “I’m fine” a few times that I realized this was a way bigger task for me to handle. I knew my husband probably was in a diabetic blood sugar low, but as I had learned in the past some blood sugar lows I cannot fix on my own. As I was seeing him slowly seizure to the ground I knew that I needed to protect him from himself. He had started hitting his head on the cabinet because of his jerky moments. Thankfully I did remember some of my first aid training. I did my best trying to guide him to the floor all while talking to the 911 dispatcher. I ended up cradling him to my chest to help him not hurt himself anymore and wipe away the mucus from his face.

Those were some of the longest minutes of my life until I finally heard the sirens get closer and closer. I have been with my husband with a few blood sugar lows. Only two times have we been to the ER. The other times I usually can help him and he was conscious enough to eat a few sugar tablets. But that day, was bigger than me. I needed help. No matter how many times he said “I’m fine”, I knew that we needed help. 

What happened next was a miracle beyond all explanation. From all that I have researched and heard from others, my husband should have gone into a coma. But as the EMTs were coming into the house my husband came out of the seizure and was alert and talking. He was unsure why he was on the floor and why there were EMTs in our house. They checked his blood sugar and it was 22. Normal for him is between 100-150 since he is type 1 diabetic. The EMT looked at me and said “I have never seen that low of a blood sugar…on an alive person.” 

Even now I thank God for saving my husband from a scary situation. And yes, I am still a little traumatized by the experience, but I do know that a miracle happened that early Wednesday morning. What satan meant for harm, God turned it around for good. All of it for God’s glory. 

Does this mean that life is easier now? Not for my mental state and definitely the emotional state of my 4 year old who witness the whole event. We have a continuous glucose monitor on him now that allows us to easily check him as many times as we like. I can even check him during his sleep with a simple scan of the monitor over the sensor attached to his arm. So easy and future life savior.

Am I still struggling letting him be alone with my daughter? go to work? go to sleep?

Yes!!

But that is my hourly journey in letting go. I have to mentally and emotionally let go of him. Give him back to God. Because the good news is we aren’t alone. We have an army of angels with us that we can’t see, but are there. 

We are meant to do life together.

We are meant to cry together, laugh together, be silent together.

We are fine when we are not alone. 

We are fine when we team up. 

We are the Church! The Body of Christ working together, praying together, sharing life together. 

It is easy to tell others that we are just “fine” when in reality we are not. If you are someone that struggles opening up to others I will be praying for you. Don’t be a lone wolf. There are people out there that want to partner with you in prayer and discipleship. Remember we need each other. Like I needed the EMTs and doctors to help my husband’s diabetes. And even more my husband needed me to call 911. And now I need others who understand what I experienced that can comfort me through my tears. 

Remember we need God and we need each other!

Are we looking for Jesus?

In Matthew 2:1-6 the Magi from the far east were looking for the King of the Jews. They had seen a star and had been watching, studying, and paying attention to the signs the world was saying about the coming of Jesus.  But what intrigues me isn’t their pursuit of the King of the Jews it was the chief priests and teachers of the Law. When the Magi asked for directions King Herod brought them out to confirm what the Magi were looking for. They knew the scripture. They had been memorizing it since childhood. They knew the signs too, but they choose not to pursue the Messiah. The signs of their Savior were right in front of them, but they missed them all because they weren’t looking. Even with helping the Magi they still didn’t seem interested in visiting the King of the Jews.

They weren’t even curious.

Why is that?

What made these men stop looking for their Messiah?

I will give them some benefit of the doubt. They were in the middle of Roman rule. They probably knew that King Herod wouldn’t approve another king. It must of not been easy, but even when they knew the answer to King Herod it didn’t change any of their hearts. We know that because only the Magi showed up at Joseph, Mary and Jesus’ place. There is no record of any of the teachers of the law being remotely interested in finding their King and Messiah.  

I believe the reason is they just weren’t looking for him. 

They were probably more focused on pleasing the King that they already had in front of them then finding out the truth behind the scripture they had memorized and studied for so many years.

When we stop looking for Jesus in our daily lives we miss him. We miss opportunities. I personally don’t want to be like the Chief of Priests and ignore all the signs pointing to a Messiah because I am too focused on pleasing my desires, my friends, my career, or anything else I put before Jesus. 

I need to keep seeing Jesus in all that I do. He is the center of what I am and what I do and when I focus on Him, He can bring back my hearts desires and dreams into alignment with Him. I’m not saying that every move we make we need to analyze and second guess ourselves whether it is God’s will or not. He gives us choices in life, but in the midst of daily routine we need to pay attention for signs of Jesus guiding us. Maybe it is someone on the street that needs help or a ride, Maybe it is a parent that you don’t get alone with that just needs friendship and compassion. Maybe it is praying with someone in line at the grocery store. Maybe it is inviting your neighbor to a church activity or into your home for a meal. 

My prayer today and for each day is that I keep my eyes on Jesus. That He can gently guide me to new ways and opportunities of being Jesus to others. I don’t want to be like the Chief of Priest and teachers of the Law that only knew the knowledge of scripture. I want the knowledge of scripture to go from my head to my heart in everyday life. Hebrews 12:2 says, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

So much Freedom!

When I was diagnosed with Alpha Gal syndrome I had no idea what the would mean for the next 3 years. At first it seemed easy to think stay away from beef and pork, but when I started having reactions because of medicine and supplements the allergy got more complicated. Each new allergic reaction or new allergy I got because of my Lyme disease I would at first be overwhelmed.  Many times I would stand in the middle of a grocery store aisle reading ingredients of a package in tears. Food and cooking turned from being a joy to do to being a chore. Each meal I prepared for myself took longer than most and any fast convenient food was very limited. When I did found something quick and convenient to make or eat it usually was expensive. Soon this new life was my normal. Even my daughter learned the art of checking ingredients when she picks up a box or jar at the store. When friends and family asked how did we do it. I honestly didn't know how to answer. 

It was my life. 

It was frustrating. 

It was exhausting. 

When I wanted to go out to eat with friends or family they would always have to look to me and say "Where can you eat?" I don't hate making decisions, but when I am the only one always making decisions it exhausted on me. Not all of my choices of restaurants pleased my friends or family. I carried that disappointment with me sometimes only because I am a people pleaser. I even started dreading food events with my church or friends. I would make sure I ate ahead of time or just quietly say no many times over. Sometimes I could handle it, but there were always days that battle was too much. 

My life revolved around food.

My life still was joyful and fulfilled.

Even so I made decisions only through the eyes of food.

BUT…on May 8th I got my allergy blood results back with some of the most glorious news. They were all negative. I could now have all mammal meat, almond, corn, oats, wheat, barley, whey, tomato, egg, and much more. The most important to me was the meat. I have been eating chicken, turkey and seafood for almost three years. Not that they are bad to eat, but after three years it gets pretty old quickly. 

The first thing I went to eat was a burger with bacon. OHH, how real beef tastes so much better than a turkey burger. The reality check was waking up the next morning realizing I didn't have a bad night of tightness in my chest because I ate beef. That last time I had some cross contamination with pork in a few hours I couldn't breathe. I had to take the only meds that I am not allergic to and pray it would go away by morning.  

What has taken me off guard since I found out this news was the freedom I feel. The next day, my daughter and I were heading downtown to a festival and I started to think what should I bring to eat. Then it dawned on me I don't need to think about that. I can eat the samples they offer. I can eat mostly anything because I don't need to worry about possible contamination with mammal products. And if you, the reader, are new to alpha gal you would be surprised how much mammal creeps into food without us knowing it, but that is another story for another day.

Freedom is all I feel now. I was so trapped by my food choices that everywhere I went involved me preparing and thinking of hours ahead of me. 

What if I get hungry?

Where can I grab something to eat?

What can I bring with me?

Do I have time to eat at home before we go?

All these questions filled every day of my life. It was my normal, but now that old normal is gone I realize that I feel so free. I feel like chains of food have fallen off and the stresses of making decisions have been lifted. I truly am a kid in a candy store standing in front of all the meat with my eyes wide and mouth watering.

So many options.

So many decisions.

So much food I have missed.

So much freedom.

Bacon, pork, salami, goat cheese, marshmallows, chocolate, gummy bears, steak, and much more! Even though I said I was tired of making decisions these new decisions are a pure joy for me. I finally get to shop in all the aisles of the grocery store. So much freedom. I honestly never knew if this day would come. I just assumed I would have this forever, but now that it is here I am so deeply grateful. 

I can finally make a meal for the whole family to eat together.

I can finally enjoy a vacation without bringing my own food.

I can finally join in on dinner parties and social events.

I can finally have freedom from food!

Olive Harvesting

Recently, I was watching a show where a British family had moved to a Greek island. The transition for this widow and her kids wasn’t going well. One thing in particular was the mother was having a hard time harvesting the olives from the trees. She finally asked for help from a neighboring farmer. When he came to help her, he brought nets to wrap around each tree. He told her to wait for them to drop then collect some, wait again for some more to drop, and then collect again.

Beforehand she had kept trying to climb the tree or a small ladder barely reaching a bunch of olives. She was always exhausting herself by trying to pull them off and if she could of reached all of them it would of taken her ages to get them down.

This is so similar in my life today. How many times do I try to make my own miracle? I see that the miracle could be possible. I do all that I should do to get that miracle only to grasp at the few aspects of it. When I should just lay a net down and wait for the miracle to ripen and drop at the right time.

In my personal life, I want healing. My body rebels against me with food and doing normal activities. I tried to help my healing along by doing a new treatment. It seemed okay and didn’t feel like God was saying no, but I wanted healing of any kind so badly I probably rushed a bit into it. I pushed myself to do something quickly and ended up hurting myself more. When all along God did want me to do the new treatment, but a different way. I believe it will help, but I do know in my life healing takes time and just like olive harvesting a lot of waiting, collecting and waiting again!

How many of us are trying to harvest our own miracle?

Are we trying to climb against God’s timing?

Are we rushing the harvest?

The more research I did on olive harvesting I learned; that if you harvest unripen green olives they are very sour. The longer that the olive stays on the tree it ripens to a rich black tasty olive. Picking an olive too early will give you a sour olive. Harvesting a miracle too early will give us a sour miracle. How many of us want a sour miracle?

Look at Abram in Genesis 16, he knew God made a covenant with him about creating a huge nation from him, but his wife, Sarai, was barren. She didn’t like the stigma of being barren so she pushed her maidservant on her husband and he didn’t say no. Hagar did have a child and Sarah held a grudge against her because of it. She tried to grasp at making her own miracle instead of waiting for a God given one. This doesn’t mean that God will punish us and not give us our miracle because God still brought Sarai a son. She just had to keep waiting. When she did finally had a son, through God’s hand, there still was a lot of strife between the two boys and their future descendants sadly. I hope I can keep reminding myself that even though we don’t understand God’s timing, it is always best to wait on His timing instead of our own.

Next time we want that promotion…pray, listen and wait!

Next time we want children…pray, listen and wait!

Next time we want that dream to come true…pray, listen and wait!

Next time we want your ministry to grow…pray, listen and wait!

Next time we want healing…pray, listen and wait!