"I'm Fine"

I keep replaying it over and over again. I can’t get it out of my head. Seeing my husband leaning over the kitchen corner shaking with mucus and foam coming out of his nose and mouth was a scary sight. As I was trying to assess the situation and figuring out what to do next all he kept repeating to me was “I’m fine.”

That phrase sticks with me still. How many times have I told people “I’m fine” when in reality I was far from it. We are such independent people. We want to do the work on our own. We have become this self sufficient human beings that doesn’t need the rest of the world to help out our situations. Where does it say in all of history that we are suppose to do this life by ourselves. 

Wars are always fought as an army.

Countries are always built as a group of people.

Governments are built with multiple leaders.

Churches are created with the start of 2 or 3 people.

Schools are formed with a teacher and a student.

Nothing can be built to stand the journey of time unless it is done with a team. Especially a team that is honest with each other. 

It didn’t take long after my husband repeated “I’m fine” a few times that I realized this was a way bigger task for me to handle. I knew my husband probably was in a diabetic blood sugar low, but as I had learned in the past some blood sugar lows I cannot fix on my own. As I was seeing him slowly seizure to the ground I knew that I needed to protect him from himself. He had started hitting his head on the cabinet because of his jerky moments. Thankfully I did remember some of my first aid training. I did my best trying to guide him to the floor all while talking to the 911 dispatcher. I ended up cradling him to my chest to help him not hurt himself anymore and wipe away the mucus from his face.

Those were some of the longest minutes of my life until I finally heard the sirens get closer and closer. I have been with my husband with a few blood sugar lows. Only two times have we been to the ER. The other times I usually can help him and he was conscious enough to eat a few sugar tablets. But that day, was bigger than me. I needed help. No matter how many times he said “I’m fine”, I knew that we needed help. 

What happened next was a miracle beyond all explanation. From all that I have researched and heard from others, my husband should have gone into a coma. But as the EMTs were coming into the house my husband came out of the seizure and was alert and talking. He was unsure why he was on the floor and why there were EMTs in our house. They checked his blood sugar and it was 22. Normal for him is between 100-150 since he is type 1 diabetic. The EMT looked at me and said “I have never seen that low of a blood sugar…on an alive person.” 

Even now I thank God for saving my husband from a scary situation. And yes, I am still a little traumatized by the experience, but I do know that a miracle happened that early Wednesday morning. What satan meant for harm, God turned it around for good. All of it for God’s glory. 

Does this mean that life is easier now? Not for my mental state and definitely the emotional state of my 4 year old who witness the whole event. We have a continuous glucose monitor on him now that allows us to easily check him as many times as we like. I can even check him during his sleep with a simple scan of the monitor over the sensor attached to his arm. So easy and future life savior.

Am I still struggling letting him be alone with my daughter? go to work? go to sleep?

Yes!!

But that is my hourly journey in letting go. I have to mentally and emotionally let go of him. Give him back to God. Because the good news is we aren’t alone. We have an army of angels with us that we can’t see, but are there. 

We are meant to do life together.

We are meant to cry together, laugh together, be silent together.

We are fine when we are not alone. 

We are fine when we team up. 

We are the Church! The Body of Christ working together, praying together, sharing life together. 

It is easy to tell others that we are just “fine” when in reality we are not. If you are someone that struggles opening up to others I will be praying for you. Don’t be a lone wolf. There are people out there that want to partner with you in prayer and discipleship. Remember we need each other. Like I needed the EMTs and doctors to help my husband’s diabetes. And even more my husband needed me to call 911. And now I need others who understand what I experienced that can comfort me through my tears. 

Remember we need God and we need each other!