Devotional 7 - Fear

            During my time in Bangkok, Thailand I had a lot of anxiety issues. At one point I was watching a show that was pretty intense because it had a lot of bombs exploding, that when I heard a near by car backfire the next day I went straight to post traumatic stress. A lot of that stress came from the many car bombs and intense situations we had while in Bogota, Colombia. Even still, I really struggled those two years in Thailand getting on planes and traveling. Fear choked the joy of traveling right out of me. Then I got sick. It has hard to pinpoint what I had at the time and many people said to me it was just stress, but my parents thought otherwise. Now looking back stress was a catalyst to the sickness I had gotten. Sadly, what I took from all those doctor visits and rough nights was that doctors and people do not believe me. Also that all of my sickness was in my head.

            This fear has still stuck with me. When my daughter was born and she was struggling to gain weight at first and my milk or the formula we were giving wasn’t working. I kept feeling like no one would acknowledge that I thought something was wrong. So after many doctor appointments and being very pushy we did start getting answers and people were listening to me. Then I got sick. I had dizzy spells, brain fogs, tingling, numbness and chronic pain. At first they thought it was MS, next they sent me to a specialist who found a brain hemorrhage, which thankfully God healed within the next exam. At that point no one had clear answers. I still went to more doctors and my fear of not being taken seriously was creeping back into my life.

            Thankfully even though this fear tried to creep in and take root, each time it did I have to go back to God’s word, Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” When you “take captive every thought” and trusting in God’s guidance instead of the world, He leads you. Finally, even after I had wanted to give up on getting answers God led certain people into my life that helped me get the right doctor that figured out I had chronic Lyme’s disease.

            What fear are you struggling with? Money, not having children, job, the future, getting married or never getting married.  All those fears are only distractions by the devil. He wants to take your eyes off of Christ. Even now I still have to watch what fears are trying to take root. Today a dear friend sent me a song by Bethel Music “I’m no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God.” I had to sing it over and over again to help remind me of God’s faithfulness and who I am in Him. Remember “I’m no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God.”