Dealing with exhaustion

No matter who we all are in our life stage we all hit a point of frustration and exhaustion.

Since our daughter was born we have hit a lot of struggles with her eating and gaining weight. At 3 months she was moved to a very expensive formula that was amino acid based (no protein to digest) because she couldn't digest protein at that time. Thankfully we had discounts for the formula and loving friends and doctors that gave us free samples to help us with feeding our daughter. When she finally got allergy tested she was 9 months old. She was allergic to corn, oat, wheat, egg, dairy, soy, all nuts. At that point she was going to be on formula for a while. It was very exhausting to find foods without those ingredients, but we learned and adjusted. Soon after that she was diagnosed with FPIES (Food Protein Induced Entercolitis Syndrome). It was nice to have a diagnosis and we had a plan to move forward. She was finally gaining weight. She still was dependent on formula for a while until she hit 16 months some of her allergies went away. Corn, oat and wheat. Dairy was more of a lactose intolerance at this point. So we could add new foods. It felt like victory! Corn was the hardest thing to keep away (because it isn't on the allergen list on the labels). She was eating more from the table and was growing. She was down to one bottle a day until we went back to the specialist and they said that she was down again. Back to more formula. Finally we got the news in March 2016 that we could stop the formula and just keep eating what she is eating. What a relief. So we kept doing what we thought we were suppose to be doing.

In Sept 2016, at her 2 year old appointment, she has lost again and dropped off the charts. Since we were moving and wouldn't have insurance for 3 months I did my best to follow the doctors advice and tried to have a consistent meals and eating. Honestly she is eating a lot and because family and friends so generously help us pay for preschool, she has been eating more and drinking more of her milk than ever before. So at this most recent weight check we were hopeful!! But then our hopes got stomped on. She has fallen off the charts again both in weight and height.

I am exhausted from all this. I keep beating myself up as a mom saying, why didn't you feed her this, why not this. But then in the car one day this week I realize there are some things I as mom cannot control. She can get all the food she wants, but what if it is something else that is effecting the digestion and absorption. That isn't my fault. As moms we sometimes think it is our faults. We always seem to blame ourselves and keep running over and over the decisions in our head. Should we let them cry it out, should we spank them, should we feed them fast foods, or should we let them climb on everything.

We have to give ourselves a break moms. We seem to compare ourselves to each other all the time. Honestly these past few months I tired my best to just enjoyed the fact that our daughter was eating good food. She is a healthy eater! I stopped thinking about her weight. I also enjoyed not having a break from so many doctor appointments.

Even so now that I am hit with this disappointment I need to focus on that maybe this time a new set of eyes of doctors will help us figure out the root of the issue. Exhaustion leads to perseverance which leads to Hope. I can't and won't give up on my baby girl. And I will keep thanking God she is still learning and growing mentally everyday!