For a 2 hour tour - Part 1

There it was the most picturesque water I had ever seen. A turquoise blue and with white pristine waves crashing into the finest grains of sand. All around me was paradise and I wasn’t enjoying it. I kept telling myself what on earth am I going to do. I had finally left the lunch hut to take a deep breath and talk to God. My uncle came out and said something along the lines, “It is going to be okay! Enjoy it.” But I kept thinking I am responsible for this group of people. I’m the only one that can translate and we have NO way to get back to the main island unless we return back on a half working boat. 

It all started with a supposedly 2 hour tour across the Pacific waters from one Galapagos island to the next. We had just finished a couple days of kids camp with the local church. It was a success even though our water balloon volleyball didn’t last long on lava rock. Our group thought this little boat trip would be a relaxing tour of the islands. 

Little did we know how far off from that picture we were. It was already drizzling as we got on the boat. But that was no problem. We had extra gas for the return trip. It was only two hours I kept telling myself. This trip was to try out the new motor that the church from the states had purchased for them. We still had two motors just one was new and other one a bit old. 

The start of the trip seemed to be going smoothly until my uncle realized that we were taking on water because the old motor was eating up all our gas. The new motor was not suppose to be used in full throttle. My uncle asked me to translate many times but boat lingo was not in my vocabulary. Thankfully my uncle was a skilled fisherman and without even knowing the language did he best to manage take over the motor situation without culturally offending the captain. The pastor from the States was shoving out water that kept creeping in. Myself and the pastor’s daughter weren’t sure what we should do.

The rain was coming down heaver. Not like a storm, but annoyingly miserable. It was foggy enough that it was hard to see land. At the worse of the trip I saw small parts of land that were looked like large fingers sticking out of the water. They were made of rock and for certain did not have a shore to land on. I thought we called for help on the radio, but from the looks of it no one was coming to help us maybe we were closer to our destination, but even so we were running out of gas. My uncle had to move the gas tube from the motors from one reserve gas container to the next. 

When we finally saw land and the sun came out it seemed like miles away. I even crawled into the bow of the boat hoping for rest and prayers or so kind of direction. The smell of gasoline was going to make me vomit like the poor pastor was doing over the side. What should have been a photo moment of dolphins swimming next to our boat only gave me a slight smile, but then back to worry. I just wanted to reach land so badly. I was just a college student at the time. I was suppose to be translating for the pastor, an elder from the church, and my uncle. Nothing in college or life had prepared me for this unlikely adventure.

When we finally reach the bay the tide was out so we knew there was only one path to get to the docks. Another sailor nearby, a foreigner on vacation, pointed for us the direction. Pointing the direction wasn’t enough for our captain. We all knew one wrong turn we would run aground or hit rocks which would damage the boat. Finally another foreigner got into his little dingy and guided us the along the narrow path to port.

The narrow path takes me back to scripture where Jesus says Matthew 7:13-14 ”Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” There are always Christians that can point in the right direction, but that could lead a new believer aground or hit rocky places. As believers we need to get in our boats and actually lead the lost, guiding them during their journey. How many of us like to go an adventure alone? Not many of us! We usually like a guide that has done the path before to show us the way. It is nice to have a person that can encourage us when we can’t see the next step. As Christ followers we need to show people the way by walking with them. Jesus walked and talked with his disciples. He didn’t just tell them the directions one day and let them do it on their own. Jesus showed them for 3 years before he sent his disciples off to lead others. Thankfully we had a guide in the small boat that took our bigger boat to shore.

Stop! Don't come, Mom!

“Don’t come, MOM!” yelled my four year old daughter. I turned around from my Sunday School curriculum and saw my little girl scurry away from me. I had to investigate, because those words don’t come out of her mouth for no reason at all. As I tried to follow her down the church’s hallway, she turned around and put her hand up to me and said, “Stop.” Then she disappeared into the classroom where she had been eating lunch. As I approached the classroom door, I peered into the window and saw her strategically trying to cover up her spilled chocolate milk with small napkins.

I’ve seen many types of clutter where young ones are trying to clean up their untidiness before the teacher or an adult sees it, but it ends up being too big for them to clean up. They either sweep it under the rug or throw everything into a closet. I, myself, have done the same thing in my own home after everything is left in shambles. I typically turn down help from my husband or friends. I too would say, “Stop, I’ve got it.” But…

Should that be my first response?

Should I turn away help?

I watched my daughter through the door’s window try so vigorously to clean up her spill. Her attempt at cleaning just made the puddle of chocolate milk grow bigger and bigger. She didn’t realize that if she would just ask for my help the clean up would be so much easier. The milk splatter was her mistake no matter how big it was. Her focus was on how not disappoint me and keeping herself out of trouble. That is when it hit me; I do that to God. When I become impulsive and spend more than my budget allows, I don’t ask God for help. Instead I try to fix it myself by doing extra jobs and usually it makes a bigger heap of problems in the long run. 

But God never peers into the window of our lives and says, “I’m disappointed in you.” He actually says, “My child, It’s okay. Let me help you. All you have to do is ask.”

In the end my daughter did finally let me help her clean up, and it took only a few minutes for us to clean it together. It was actually a small spill from my point of view, but an overwhelming one from hers. I wasn’t mad at her. I was thrilled that my daughter invited me into her mess. In Revelation 3:20 Jesus says to the church “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” 

God just wants us to invite him into the turmoil of our lives. Even if I am ashamed and embarrassed of my mistakes, I need to let God in. My daughter taught me an important lesson that day. It is never too late to say to God “Please come in! I need your help.”

"Into the Unknown"

I keep hearing it. The singing. The call ringing out. It just won’t leave my brain. The three title words keep vibrating between my ears. Truly, I should know by now that any song my daughter sings especially ones from any movie called Frozen is bound to get stuck bouncing around in my head. Elsa’s new song “Into the Unknown” is my five year old’s new favorite. Maybe it is the voice calling Elsa or maybe it is the story behind the song that draws my daughter in, but it also draws me in too. 

There have been a lot of songs that my daughter has sung. Most do get caught in my head bouncing around for hours, but none like this one has tugged at my heart so strongly. Yes, I know it is just a Disney movie, you could say. How could something spiritual come from it? But for me those words, Into the Unknown, won’t go away. They keep pulling me in. For days I have been wondering why, why does this song bring me to tears. I know the Holy Spirit is speaking to me, but what is he saying exactly is unclear. 

It wasn’t until I received an email to start the new year from one of the author’s I subscribe to, Margaret Feinberg. She asked for me to pick “One Word” for this year. I knew it immediately, Unknown. I didn’t even have to go through her letter. I didn’t need to pray anymore about choosing one word. I instantly knew the answer because it has been stirring in my heart for weeks. 

What now? I know my word, but what on earth does it mean. Why Unknown? What is going to happen this year that is going to take me into the unknown. That is when I go back to the song. The more I listen to it and read the lyrics I see something more than just a great Disney hit song. I keep imagining the secret siren as the Holy Spirit calling us into the unknown. He never asks us to stay comfortable. He challenges us to step forward into something scary and unknown. Just like Elsa felt the voice calling her grow stronger and stronger until she couldn’t resist it any more. She finally had to leave the comfortable and the familiar to understand her story and her calling. I too need to be willing to follow the voice of the Holy Spirit calling me into something I don’t understand or can fathom. So I am reminded of a famous quote, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” 

Still I sit here at the beginning on 2020 with this one word echoing over and over again. I don’t know what it means for me, but what I do know is that something is coming and when it does become clear I need to be ready to follow His voice Into the Unknown.

Cambodia Day Three - Names

I wish I could say that I have learned all names of the helpers at the church and all the kids, but I haven't. Besides the language barrier, I struggle with remembering people's names unless I say it, see it, and write it for myself. I really want to learn people's names especially this week, but I am learning that saying the name correctly is not based on letters it is based on the sound you make with those letters. The language itself is beautiful and I would love to keep learning it, but all that comes out is some of the Thai I remember when I lived there years ago.

Even though I might not remember everyone's name God knows their name. Today we had to change up our schedule because we ended up jumping from having 60 kids to 130(or more) today! We did a lot of singing and dancing. One song that I picked was just an older Hillsong Kids song that I had learned years ago. I choose it because it had less words and LOTS of moving motions. BUT God actually choose that song. This is what we sung Not Forgotten by Israel Houghton

I am not forgotten
I am not forgotten
I am not forgotten
God knows my name
He knows my name

Light over darkness
Strength over weakness
Joy over sadness
He knows my name

Father to the fatherless
Friend to the friendless
Hope for the hopeless
He knows my name

I will praise You, I will praise You
For I am fearfully and wonderfully made
I am not forgotten, never forsaken

During the song the Holy Spirit said, "I haven't forgotten these children." After we were done with the song I explained to them that God knows their name and that when they are alone to remember that they are not forgotten. It still brings me to tears to my eyes writing about it. I keep thinking how much pain this country has been through, but God wants to remind them that no matter what happens He hasn't forgotten them and He is here to restore them. 

The song is also a good reminder for me that God hasn't forgotten me or any of us even when it feels like he has. 

Cambodia Day Two - Smiles

One of the main characteristics I remembered about Southeast Asia were the smiles. Nothing says more than a beautiful smile. As I looked around this small village all I saw was eager eyes and precious smiles. They are so eager to learn English, to learn anything from us. We talk about being a good neighbor and what that looked like. At least they understood the good Samaritan skit. Who knows what got lost in translation, but maybe something stuck in their precious brains. And kids are kids anywhere in the world they ALL like to have a Freeze Dance Party!!! (Or maybe what white person could swing or throw them the highest)

Cambodia Day One - Hope

With every step I feared I would actually step on a fragment of bone or piece of clothing from the thousands of victims that were killed under my feet. It was hard not to look at the ground while I listened to the survivor stories of the Khmer Rouge Genocide that happened from 1975 to 1979. Our group was visiting the Killing Fields memorial, but this was only one of 300 killing fields that the Khmer Regime had. What a somber place, from the sounds of roosters crowing and a few tour guides talking it was mostly silent. Most visitors listened to the stories over a headset and a little audio player as we followed the map and choose different stories to listen to.  They were all heart breaking, but some ripped my heart into pieces. Seeing the bones and skulls pilled high in the memorial seemed all so surreal, but sadly so true.

One story that stood out to me the most was a man that talked about having hope that he would get out alive was the only thing that helped him survive torture and malnourishment. It reminded me of my hope in Jesus Christ and how that is what sustains me. I cannot put my hope in friends or family because they will probably let me down. I cannot put hope in the government and even leaders of churches because they are human and will make mistakes. I cannot put hope in money, houses, jobs or any material things because they can disappear. My hope needs to be and will always need to remain in Jesus. He is my Hope. He is my future. He is my joy and He is my Peace. Since He is all those things to me I need to make sure I share that Hope to the world. It could mean having coffee with a friend that is discouraged or depressed about the weight of life around them. It could be building relationship with a neighbor, but for me and the other six of us on this missions trip, it is about serving a church in a small village in Cambodia. We might not see the fruit of our labor till we reach heaven, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. My prayer this week is that I will be present when God opens the door for me to share my hope. I don’t have to pound scripture that they don’t understand into their heads. All I need is to love them and serve them where their needs need to be met. Then just maybe it will actually be my life that will be changed forever because I was obedient to God’s call.

"I'm Fine"

I keep replaying it over and over again. I can’t get it out of my head. Seeing my husband leaning over the kitchen corner shaking with mucus and foam coming out of his nose and mouth was a scary sight. As I was trying to assess the situation and figuring out what to do next all he kept repeating to me was “I’m fine.”

That phrase sticks with me still. How many times have I told people “I’m fine” when in reality I was far from it. We are such independent people. We want to do the work on our own. We have become this self sufficient human beings that doesn’t need the rest of the world to help out our situations. Where does it say in all of history that we are suppose to do this life by ourselves. 

Wars are always fought as an army.

Countries are always built as a group of people.

Governments are built with multiple leaders.

Churches are created with the start of 2 or 3 people.

Schools are formed with a teacher and a student.

Nothing can be built to stand the journey of time unless it is done with a team. Especially a team that is honest with each other. 

It didn’t take long after my husband repeated “I’m fine” a few times that I realized this was a way bigger task for me to handle. I knew my husband probably was in a diabetic blood sugar low, but as I had learned in the past some blood sugar lows I cannot fix on my own. As I was seeing him slowly seizure to the ground I knew that I needed to protect him from himself. He had started hitting his head on the cabinet because of his jerky moments. Thankfully I did remember some of my first aid training. I did my best trying to guide him to the floor all while talking to the 911 dispatcher. I ended up cradling him to my chest to help him not hurt himself anymore and wipe away the mucus from his face.

Those were some of the longest minutes of my life until I finally heard the sirens get closer and closer. I have been with my husband with a few blood sugar lows. Only two times have we been to the ER. The other times I usually can help him and he was conscious enough to eat a few sugar tablets. But that day, was bigger than me. I needed help. No matter how many times he said “I’m fine”, I knew that we needed help. 

What happened next was a miracle beyond all explanation. From all that I have researched and heard from others, my husband should have gone into a coma. But as the EMTs were coming into the house my husband came out of the seizure and was alert and talking. He was unsure why he was on the floor and why there were EMTs in our house. They checked his blood sugar and it was 22. Normal for him is between 100-150 since he is type 1 diabetic. The EMT looked at me and said “I have never seen that low of a blood sugar…on an alive person.” 

Even now I thank God for saving my husband from a scary situation. And yes, I am still a little traumatized by the experience, but I do know that a miracle happened that early Wednesday morning. What satan meant for harm, God turned it around for good. All of it for God’s glory. 

Does this mean that life is easier now? Not for my mental state and definitely the emotional state of my 4 year old who witness the whole event. We have a continuous glucose monitor on him now that allows us to easily check him as many times as we like. I can even check him during his sleep with a simple scan of the monitor over the sensor attached to his arm. So easy and future life savior.

Am I still struggling letting him be alone with my daughter? go to work? go to sleep?

Yes!!

But that is my hourly journey in letting go. I have to mentally and emotionally let go of him. Give him back to God. Because the good news is we aren’t alone. We have an army of angels with us that we can’t see, but are there. 

We are meant to do life together.

We are meant to cry together, laugh together, be silent together.

We are fine when we are not alone. 

We are fine when we team up. 

We are the Church! The Body of Christ working together, praying together, sharing life together. 

It is easy to tell others that we are just “fine” when in reality we are not. If you are someone that struggles opening up to others I will be praying for you. Don’t be a lone wolf. There are people out there that want to partner with you in prayer and discipleship. Remember we need each other. Like I needed the EMTs and doctors to help my husband’s diabetes. And even more my husband needed me to call 911. And now I need others who understand what I experienced that can comfort me through my tears. 

Remember we need God and we need each other!