Beyond the pine forests

As the wind blew past me and swept my hair in front of my face again, it was only another reminder that I had allowed another train to pass me by. In my head I knew that I was suppose to get on that train, but the actual action of it was paralyzing. There were so many unknowns in this world and this next leap was the biggest of all. 

I turned around with my suitcase in hand and started walking back towards the box office. Deep down I wanted to go, but I couldn’t do. I couldn’t make the change. It was just too difficult. As I approached the box, the sweet elderly gentleman gave me the most delicate of a smile. I dropped my baggage and placed my hand in my pocket to grab my train ticket.

“Hello again!” He greeted me.

“Hi” I voiced weakly.

“I am not sure I can give you a refund, love.” His southern accent started to break through.

“I know you can’t.” I paused. “I just want to give it back. Maybe someone else can use it.”

“Are you sure?” He asked.

I stared at the crumbled ticket in my sweaty hand. I was so torn. Stepping on that train would acknowledge my fear and would admit to myself that I wasn’t ready for the real world. I had been living in this small town in North Carolina since I can remember. Everything was simple. I could walk everywhere if I needed to. I had miles and miles of majestic pine trees in our backyard where I took my daily hikes. All my friends are here, well, at least some of them. Most have decided to move to the big city and embrace the changes of the coming age. 

“Are you going to keep it, deary?” the gentleman interrupted my train of thoughts. 

“Why should I go?” I pleaded.

“Why do you not want to go?” He responded with a question.

“Everything I know is here!” I expressed solemnly. “Should I leave my family?”

“Why should you not go?” Again he answered my questions with another question.

“My mom has many kids to take care of and she could use my help. Everyone loves me here.” Those words brought tears to my eyes. I still remember as they waved goodbye to me while I was walking down the street with my suitcase crammed full of mostly worn out clothes and a few books I treasured. 

“Would your mom want you to go?” He challenged me.

“Yes, I believe so. She really wanted this for me.” I looked back down at the almost withered ticket. I could hear the train coming. 

“This is the last train to Raleigh.” He grabbed my hand through the window. “I have known you since you were a little girl. I believe this is the best thing for you and your family!”

As I looked up from my hands into his eyes, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I knew deep down he was right. I had to go. This was my dream even though it was probably the scariest dream I have ever experienced. I whispered, “Thank you!” and turned around picked up my suitcase and walked towards the platform. 

I could feel the train approaching through the rumbling of the platform into my feet. It slowly crept to a full stop.

“Next stop Raleigh” yelled the conductor a few times. 

I looked back behind me and waved goodbye to the gentleman and took that gigantic leap onto the steps of the train. As I walked inside a sense of excitement and relief enveloped me. Even the fear that I was so trapped by seemed to dissipate a little. I couldn’t believe that I actually did the first step. All the steps after that first one seemed to grow increasingly easier.

I found my seat instantly and placed my suitcase in the above compartment. Thankfully I was next to the window and could catch a glimpse of the majestic state I lived in on this trip.

The roll of the engine started up and a big leap jolted us forward. I glanced around me and noticed that the train was quite full, but the seat next to me was empty. I grateful that there would be no potential small talk with a stranger. I enjoyed staring out the window at first until all I saw was the same tobacco fields over and over again. That is when I decided to get out one of my books to read. As I stood up to grab my suitcase the train took a curvy turn throwing me across the aisle on top of some young man. 

He looked down at me and asked, “Are you okay?”

Quickly I tried to scamper out of his lap, but realized my foot was caught under the empty seat next to mine. 

“I think I’m okay.” I replied meekly. 

“Do you need help?” He obviously saw that I was struggling and bent down sideways to free my foot from its trap. 

As soon as he did that I was up and standing, brushing off what could be nothing on my dress, but only seemed to be the most lady like thing to do after a fall. 

“Thank you sir.” I responded with a nod. Then I went back to my seat and tried to settle myself back into my original position hoping that everyone would forget what they saw. 

“Ma’am,” the young man whispered, “Do you want your suitcase, still?”

Surprised at his words, I looked at him with a puzzled look on my face. I had completely forgotten the reason I stood up. “Excuse me?” I challenged.

“You got up for your suitcase, right?” He inquired. 

Finally realizing he was right I blushed at the thought of being so absent-minded, “You are correct, sir.” I paused to look up at the suitcase and wondering if it really would be proper for a young man to open a young lady’s belongings. “Maybe not now. I can just enjoy the view.”

“Where are you going?” He pried.

“To Raleigh.” I answered.

“Me too!” He expressed with glee. “May I sit next to you.”

I looked at the seat and back up at him. Would people think he was with me? Is it improper for a young lady, like myself, to allow a single man next to me? Maybe he can make this train ride go by faster? My thoughts were jumping all over the place when I realized he was still staring at me waiting for a respond.

“I guess so,” was all I could muster to say.

He hastily grabbed his briefcase and switched seats. “Is this your first time to Raleigh?”

I knew this was inevitable, talking to complete strangers was going to be apart of this new adventure of mine, but I was not very keen on it. My dad had always told me to be weary of strange men. How could I trust this guy? I thought. My words came out softly, “Yes, it is.”

“Me too!” He responded promptly, “It’s my first time. I am quite nervous.”

A small smile creeped across my face, at least I wasn’t the only one nervous about this new experience. I thought maybe I could venture out and quiz him about his life, but fear kept my mouth firmly closed and I returned my glaze out the train window.

He continued on with his one way conversation, “You seem nervous too. Why are you going to Raleigh?”

Here he goes again with personal inquires. I thought. Should I respond? Deep down I had wanted to tell someone all that happened to get to this point, but what if he wasn’t trustworthy. What if he didn’t understand. My family had sacrificed so much for me to go on this trip. Why should I spoil it to a random stranger? This was my story, not his! I thought.

I confidently stated, “I am not liberty to say.” 

With that comment, the young man drooped his shoulders. He leaned over with his elbows on his knees and let out a great sigh. I had just crushed his fresh and young spirit with a few words. I was mean! He had been so nice and I repaid his kindness with anger. I have never been mean like this before. My thoughts examined my actions.  I was always known to be too nice, but in reality I hid my anger and today it came out. At that point I touched his back to hopefully give comfort, only to feel that he was weeping inwardly.

“I am sorry.” I offered up. 

He didn’t move, but it seemed that his inward shaking stopped. He slowly sat up making me move my hand that I had forgotten was still on his back. He glanced at me and smiled. “I get it,” was all he responded with. “Let’s start over. I am Winston.” He put out his hand towards me hoping for a hand shake.

I glanced down at Winston’s hand. It had scars and callouses his palms. See these made me realize that he must of grown up as a hard worker, which gave me a small sense of peace about him. I took his hand and gently shook it and replying with a meek voice, “I’m Annabel.”

For the next hour or so Winston rambled on about his small town he came from and kept me entertained on what could have been a long boring ride. He talked about his family and their family’s fishing business. He explained where he got all of his scars on both of his hands. He then was about to show me some of his body scars, but my face blushed and I turned away immediately. He recognized my shock and lowered his shirt back down. 

I didn’t talk much during our trip. He was enjoyable enough, but I was looking forward to getting off the train and heading to my destination. 

The conductor came through the train belting out that Raleigh was the next stop. It wasn’t long before the train slowed down and pulled into the main station in Raleigh. As I started to stand up Winston put out his hand to help me up, like a true gentleman. I reluctantly took it and waited for him to lower my suitcase. 

“Are you going to need any more help, my lady?” Winston inquired. 

“No, but thank you.” I glanced down at my baggage then back into Winston’s eyes, “It was nice to meet you. Good travels Winston!” And with that I skirted by him and heading down the aisle to get off the train. I knew he wasn’t too far behind, but I didn’t want him to get the idea that they were together when they got off the train. 

As I stepped off the stairs of the train, I glanced around looking for some sort of sign that would guide me to my next step in this venture. Through the masses of people I started to get a bit overwhelmed. I had never encountered so many people before.

Then someone whispered in my ear startling me, “I just imagine them as a school of fish that need to be caught.”

I turned abruptly to see Winston standing right next to me. I didn’t want him to see that under my tough exterior I was a frighten little girl. I walked off in a huff hoping to lose him in the crowd. When I thought I had lost him I finally saw in the distance the sign I was looking for. My heart jumped with excitement. Then reality hit me square between my eyes. Did I have to go? I could be lost in this crowd and no one would know the difference. I could head back home. Or…I could make a new life for myself. My thoughts started running away from me. I snapped back, refocusing on the sign. I squeezed my way through the crowd, finally reaching the man holding the sign. There was a dozen or so young ladies and men with simple suitcases like mine. 

The realization started sinking in as joy bubbled up inside of me. I had made it. I had been chosen to be one of the future students of the nation’s medical research facility. I had been applying every year since I was sixteen. I knew that joining this school of study was everyone my age’s dream. Finally, I had gotten an acceptance letter two months ago with a full scholarship. I couldn’t believe that they had chosen me. 

“Are you Annabel Ventlend?” an older man with a clipboard spouted out.

“Yes, sir.” I replied and started pulling out my papers, “Here is my identification.”

He glanced at my papers and back at me, double checking my identity. “You are cleared. Stay with this group for now.” He pointed over to the girls all lined up.

As I was walking towards the girl’s line, I overhead that same gentlemen ask, “Are you Winston Howard?” I swiftly turned around and saw my train companion talking to the clipboard man. What! Is He apart of this too? I thought. Winston turned and gave her a wave.  A grin appeared on his face that reached from ear to ear. 

“I see you got accepted to the National Medical Research Center too.” He yelled, “I guess we are going to see much more of each other.” He smirked.

“I guess so.” I stated back. A little miffed, I turned sharply and headedntowards the end of the ladies line. I took a quick glance back seeing Winston’s silly smile still pasted across his face. Outwardly I wanted him to think I was annoyed, but inwardly I was glad that I would be seeing more of him.